Family Mentoring

Help! My Parents are splitting up! 

Although divorce technically is when a married couple legally end their marriage even when an unmarried couple with children split up the impact on everyone is very similar if not the same.

I’m so sad and angry will it get easier?

If your parents are splitting up it will be difficult at times, have faith that things will get easier and settle down eventually. Remember it is not about you and it is not your fault. It is between your parents alone and they have probably tried all they can to sort things out. In the end it is there own decision.

If you’re worried about the future or anything, talk to your parents, it’ll be tough at first, but if your parents are happier, you probably will be too.

What if I have to choose who to live with?Try and make a list of pros and cons of living with each parent and how you would like it to be when it comes to arrangements for seeing the other parent. There are lots of things to consider; who has more time to attend to your needs? Will you have to move? Be away from friends? Will it interrupt school or Exams? Can you change later…?

If after making your decision you find it hard to talk to them about it you could show them what you have written to open up the discussion.  Go with your instincts and stick with what feels right.


Can I help them get back together?No amount of meddling will make them suddenly feel differently. You can’t change the situation. Don’t waste your time and energy on something that is out of your control. Concentrate on the things you can like your education, and give yourself time to have fun with your friends.

 

PARENTS


I’m not getting on with my parents. 

We all go through stages when we don’t get on with our parents as well as others; it is really common in our teens and early twenties when we are developing our independent thinking. Remember this may be difficult for them too. The majority of parents would rather have a good relationship with there children.

 

 

 

 

Some tips for getting on

  • You don’t always have to have the last word, let some arguments go if you can do it they are more likely to do it sometimes
  • Pick your battles, don’t argue over petty things. Leave it until it is something you feel particularly strongly about.
  • Lead by example, if you go to far apologise, don’t wait for them to do it. That way they are more likely to do the same sometimes.
  • Don’t lie or go behind their backs, they will eventually find out, lose trust in you and it will make things harder all round
  • Seek a win win result, If they wont let you do something try and get a compromise, can you go out but come home earlier?  Could you do it if you save the money and pay or organise a lift home? If you cant go this week can you arrange a time when you can? The more you take responsibility and stand by your word the more they will trust you and begin to let you do more.

(Look at the friends section for tips on handling arguments and falling out.)

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  • Keeping your voice low and calm is a much more effective way of getting your message across.
  • If you are not getting anywhere (and sometimes you wont) walk away and vent your anger in ways other than slamming doors or shouting (punching your pillow works quite well).  Once you are calm do something that will take your mind off it.

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